This body of mine

There is a lot I could be writing about. Perhaps a lot I should be writing about. But this post is going to be about me. More specifically about my body, which is probably the most neglected part of me. I do a lot with my mind, I read, I write, I think, i work, I speak. And I have a very well analysed and thoroughly exercised emotional life.

Of course I take care of myself, I shower, I floss, I die my hair, I go for a walk every day. But this body hasn't been mine for over 7 years, it is the weirdest feeling that I am quite sure only women can understand. My eldest is turning 7 in March and apart from a short 5 month break I was either pregnant or breastfeeding or both for the last, well, nearly 8 years. I haven't been able to have a drink or take any proper medication for anything for that long. Paracetamol (acetaminophen for my US readers) has taken on a new meaning for me.

I decided to wean Fi just before Christmas. I was done breastfeeding her. I really would have preferred for her to self-wean, but it became obvious that she just wouldn't, she was still nursing at least twice a day. There comes a moment when you are done, so when St Nicholas brought a few gifts on Dec 6, he decided to take my milk supply with him. It has taken a good few weeks of talking about this: "No more milk, Saint Nicholas took it, remember you got some presents instead", but now it's all forgotten about.

Fi is our last biological child, unsurprisingly there is a sense of grief in knowing that I won't be pregnant again or breastfeeding again. Had we started sooner, we would probably have 5-6 children.

I will miss all the intimate moments, but I gave it a good few years of my life and now I can hopefully get rid of the DD cup, go back to a B/C and tackle some of the chronic back-pain. No resolutions as I find the concept utterly ridiculous, nothing ever happens the way I plan it, but this pan has to go and it won't be going on its own... So there will be less walking and some yoga... Happy New Year and I will post pics and write about stuff that dear readers actually care about...