The wind of change

WARNING, it's nearly midnight, I am rambling, all of this is probably only interesting to me, so don't feel bad if you don't read it...

I don't do well with change. Well, I suppose I think that I don't, but I actually probably do. The one thing that I have learnt since I have become a mum is that whenever I get used to something the kids do or don't do, it will change withing a very short time-frame.

So let's see what is changing...

During the summer I have introduced that each day is either Tara's day or Lia's day. Fi will join in when she is 3, until then every day is her day too as she is younger she can't wait well. yet :-) This small game has really increased Lia's confidence and has helped Tara to learn to wait and generally to stop doing much of the typical first child behaviors she would have exhibited in the past. I suppose I was at fault as I was so concerned about her speech development for years that I have focused a lot on what she said and spent time correcting it, etc. But now her speech is almost completely caught up in both languages which is a huge relief.

Our 2 eldest have started playing n our estate. This is not something that would have been the done thing when we were growing up so we are watching with great interest how their personality and independence develops through this.

Tara is now in first class taking the school bus and doing a whooping 8 hours of gymnastics every week. She is now in school from 9-3 which I find way too long. This year is supposed to be the big leap after the infant years in school work, I hope she will do OK, she has already complained that they do very little arts and crafts. So now we make sure that we have a special crafts afternoon every week and a baking day...

Lia has started junior infants, she seems quite happy and is mainly looking forward to starting have proper playdates. She has really come a long way socially and confidence wise this summer, so I am looking forward to seeing a happier, less whiny Lia this year. I anticipate that she will come out of Tara's shadow as she will no longer be the small sister of Tara. It also helps that she has been invited to join the junior squad for gymnastics for 3 hours a week and is in a different team than Tara.

I will continue about Fi and me another day as there is a lot to say.

So I had the talk

with Tara, my eldest yesterday. I suppose we haven't made it a secret that Fi had a medical condition and have spoken about it multiple times in front of the kids, but we have never pushed to have a formal discussion. In my experience children will show very clear signs of interest when they want to talk about something and if they have the capacity to process the information. We were at a playground and there were a few kids with Down Syndrome and 1 with autism, here is how the conversation went:

T: Mammy, are those children sick?
Me: Yes Tara, they have a medical condition (cannot use the word sick, not even with a 5 year old...)
T: Fi is sick too...
Me: Yes...
T: Did she catch it from me? (Tara has a really bad case of tonsillitis...)
Me: No, she was born that way.
T: What's her sickness?
Me: Her arms and legs are a bit shorter and her head is a bit bigger.
T: That's OK, when she is 4 or 5 her arms and legs will be long like mine.
Me: No they won't be, not when she is 4-5. When she is 8 and 12, she could have surgery if she wanted to, to make her legs and arms long like yours.

She then stared into space for what seemed like an eternity, and I suppose about 10 minutes speechless for a 5 year old girl IS eternity.

Me: What are you thinking about?
T: I am sad that Fi was born sick, why was she born sick?
Me: I don't know, I don't know, it's just something that happens sometimes.

1. I was totally unprepared for the discussion, it came out of the blue.
2. I wasn't sure about telling the surgery part...but I did, I felt that since she has raised the question really maturely, I owed her to tell her about that option to at her level.
3. My husband thinks that it was way too early and I shouldn't have said anything yet, and he may well be right, 5 is very early for digesting something like this. Then again, she will understand of it what she can, and it is probably a lot better to have an awareness from an early age.
4. I knew that I would be hearing a lot about this over the next few weeks and already this morning, when Fi was cruising along her cot, Tara said: Look mammy, her legs are so long already...

School 1

Tara walks around in school and if anyone hurts her she yells in a real loud voice "Don't do that!" pulls the scariest face she can manage, calls the teacher - I told her to do so... She also adds that "if you hurt me, my mum will come in and sit on you..."
A boy apparently told her that she wasn't pretty, can't believe it's starting already. I just told her to look in the mirror and see for herself how very pretty she is, thankfully for now it has worked...
Why do men of all ages think that they need to diminish a woman's confidence to be able to get to her...

First day in school

It's Tara's first day in primary school tomorrow. I have really tried not to project my own anxiety onto her, so G will take her in the morning. She is excited about her new lunch box, that's the only thing she keeps on talking about. I don't think she fully understands that she won't go to creche again, but then words like "never" don't make any sense at the age of 4.

Darling Tara, fiercely independent, yet gentle to the core. A second mommy to Fiona. Incredible at gross motor skills and social skills really crap at speaking. I have no idea how well she will do academically, my only expectation of the school is to not make her hate learning and reduce her confidence, if those 2 things are accomplished, we will be fine. Oh and she does not have a bad bone in her body, she sure doesn't get that from her bitchy mammy, but I hope school won't change that either...

Death and the Maiden...

Polanski's movie is one of my all time favorites but I just used the subject line...

Tara is 4 and a half, she is just starting to understand about death and aging, etc. She asked me the other day:
-Mammy when I will be old and when I will die, will you and daddy hold my hand?
And I just said: - Yes honey, mummy and daddy will hold your hand, but that won't be a long time yet. You will first grow up, go to the yellow school, go to the brown school, go to college, get married have children and grandchildren...
I hope that was the right answer for the right level of maturity...