2012

went in about a second... In fact half of the time I thought it was already 2013, I never had that with another year my whole life, I wonder why that was. Even last week I thought it was 2013 and wondered why I didn't get a new credit card since it expired in May... I suppose it means that I will now be the same age for another year, things are looking up!

We had on average 9 medical appointments a month. All 3 kids got ear tubes. We got doctored and surgeried out this year... 

Big trip to the US, 2 big trips to France about the growth hormone treatment.

We all have officially become Irish. 

2013 is going to be big in all aspects, I know it, I can feel it, I am trying to avoid thinking about it. I am excited, scared, overwhelmed... Wish us luck, we will need a lot of this year. See I did it again... Next year... 

Won't post tomorrow. Will have 14 people for dinner- party ... what was I thinking.... :-)

Will Fi have a successful life?

I suppose the question is a rather ambiguous one as I would have to define success first and if I could define the term, I sure wouldn't feel as unhappy with myself as I do half of the time, or I may feel a lot more unhappy with myself, we will never know...
Anyway, George said last night that he hoped in 20 years we feel that Fi's life is worthwhile. I realize that any discussion about anyone's life having value is a real difficult one, a bit like the one about success, except involving a human being's life...

It's rare that George opens up about the pain that he aches for Fi; this is his way of dealing with things and I respect that. For the most part he just showers her in his love and adoration which comes to him so much more naturally than using appropriate words for painful dilemmas and dissecting every emotion and thought relentlessly and heartlessly until nothing other than "reality" can stand.  "Reality" considered as objective as it can be in anyone's subjective world of course. I also won't criticize a guy who has a masters in cyber-security about his choice of words, we would be fighting all the time...I am practical like that if I am not on a low-carb diet.

I know that we will feel that her life is valuable, we already do and that won't be taken away form us. Whether or not a young adult would ever think if they life is worth living is a completely different story, one can be perfectly healthy to feel lonely and/or worthless. We will be the solid family foundation that every child needs. She will have a loving mum and dad and sisters who will argue with her all the time. She will love books and sports and arts and dancing as we all do... Insha'Allah.

As we were talking I realized why George didn't have this mental image of a successful child, he hasn't met Annie and Elaine, he hasn't met Chandler and Cathe and all the others... I may have spent countless hours reading other people's stories and exchanging e-mails with "strangers", but without me realizing, they changed what I believe about Fi for good. So I have told him all while he was falling asleep, because I am long-winded like that...
I also put a practical spin on it, so he can do something as he is practical as any binary guy is, I asked him to start to take Fi swimming once a week as the other 2 would have started going to the pool around this age, probably a bit older, but it doesn't matter.
It's crucial that she gets into a sport that she can do well, and it's crucial that he sees that he can do that for her so he won't be like Tiffanie Didonato's sweet dad, fixing everything. I must remember to write about that book...

On Boxing day/Stephens day

I always get the old pics and videos out and we spend hours going through them. I think it's a real girls' thing and they can spend hours doing this. Today the activity gained special meaning though, I realized that I have been so focused on Fi's differences that I haven't always acknowledged the obvious: She looks very much like her sisters at this age. She does all the same things they would have done, which of course I all forgot, but thankfully we have nearly as much footage as Deb Roy to remind me...

This Christmas...

This Christmas I will have three weeks off
we will live in dirt and eat pasta every day. Though my husband might make some steak.
We will watch the rain and the grey skies,
or the bright and sunny ones,
we won't mind

We will go for long walks
and short ones.
Will probably get real snotty too
but it won't bother us at all

We will just hang out
play, read and write, sort through old pictures
and do in general what we want all day and night
we will enjoy our freedom
which permits me to write bad poetry too sometimes by the way

Teething

I am exhausted, all my children really seem to suffer when they are teething, Fi is the same. She wakes up a lot... I think by now, I am used to it, I just drink extreme amounts of coffee. While I am looking forward to all her teeth to arrive and for her to sleep through and no doubt self-wean, I am not ready for it just yet. I am going away for a business meeting in 2 weeks for 3 days, 2 nights precisely and I really hope that she won't give up nursing yet. I love the way her little body curls up against mine, how she pats my arm while I feed her. Nobody else will ever experience that relationship with her, it is ours for ever.
I don't think we will have more kids, so when she stops, a phase will be over. I may actually become a C cup again, now that I wouldn't mind...

Healthy food includes stones

lots and lots of stones and gravel...

Fi agrees

that Hungary's best kept secret is Turo Rudi - our chocolate covered curd cheese... I have no idea why, I am quite certain there isn't a single child in Hungary who doesn't love it...

Holiday pics

Managed to get the pics....

This is Fi and I and how she spends the majority of her holiday... cruising and clinging...

Tara, Lia and Star the headless horse - my mum insists on taking all holiday photos :-)

Fi racing for the smartphone with my youngest sister's 7 months old baby (Fi will be 14 months next week), I am shocked by the difference in proportions already... will write more about this over the next few days though... For now, I do think that this race was rather amusing...

And there she is, savoring her sweet victory, quite literally...

Fi's first holiday 1

Tara and Lia have spent 2 weeks in Budapest with my husband's parents and Fi and I joined on the 18th.

I love returning to Hungary for a holiday, I would not want to move back, but there are lots of things I enjoy:
- Budapest is a beautiful, eclectic city and I am not just saying that becasue I was born and raised here
- There is lots of Turkish food which I love and miss in Ireland... in general eating out is super cheap compared to Ireland and there is lots and lots of variety and SPICES
- There are LOTS of really nice cafes
- Budapest is generally a really safe city, you almost never feel threatened, which is pretty amazing for a city of over 2 million people...
- People completely crack me up... Hungary is one of the few places in the world, where you ask someone how they are they will actually tell you, this is a really amusing habit...
- On the other hand people are rather negative and it shows in their interactions


T&L have had an absolute ball, I thought they would roast in the 35-38C, but they actually have really-really enjoyed their stay. My mother in law is amazing with the kids, I really think she should have gone on to do art therapy or something along these lines, she has a really special way of involving them as they play. 


I dreaded the 3 hour flight with a nearly 14 months old who normally spends most of her day cruising, but it actually was really easy, she loves the airport, and did super well on the flight, no crying at all, we played, ate, read and walked a few lengths, nothing excessive. No crying even in the taxi from the airport (family doesn't have large enough car to transport all of us :-))) I was positively surprised. I feel a lot more optimistic about our upcoming trip to Paris to see the endocrinologist in September and our October trip to Bmore and Madison... I should probably lower my expectations, better to be positively surprised than really disappointed. 
What I wasn't ready for, was how upset she would be as it was pitch dark in the room where we slept and she is used to some light, plus there was no cot... Her cot is besides our bed at home and she does settle next to me most of the time, but it's not very comfortable in the heat, I don't think she has been exposed to more than 20 C  so 26 at 10 PM on the first night was a bit of a shock to the system. 
She is VERY weary of strangers invading her personal space and of course our Hungarian family who are eager to see her, are all strangers... So the 3 days in BP were practically spent in my sore arms...


Then we drove to my parents place near the Austrian border, where they basically live in a suburb of a few thousand people near a city of 30,000. Do not think suburb, think proper old fashioned village with 3 shops that would totally fit in in Albania - I love it, very nostalgic, reminds me of the old Eastern Europe - wouldn't recommend purchasing any perishable goods though. 
My parents only moved here a few years ago, so I can easily say that over the last 5 days I know more about their home village as they do, as I keep taking Fi for walks whereas they would drive through...
Fi is slowly easing up and it is refreshing to be able to go to the toilet on my own... She is mesmerized by the washing machine and I have washed a load every day just so I could park her for a few minutes in front of it... OK, I am exaggerating a bit. 
This is a kids' paradise with all the little garden jobs they get to do: go fetch some tomatoes, or peaches, feed the chickens, give some water to the horses (my stepdad does horse riding therapy for kids with special needs, hence the horses). They have their own swings and "sand pit", they get to ride every day and best of all there is a party every night, they get to stay up as long as they want to and we sit around and play games. Love the holidays!!! More to come soon with pics which will not upload now...

Oh and Fi LOVES the horses, she crawls across the house, and bangs on the door to go to the horses, whom we need to visit about 30 times a day.