Friday, September 2, 2011

Overwhelmed with worry

Tara did extremely well in school, she just walked straight in, there were kids clinging onto their mums with the dads trying to get them off, a very heartbreaking sight actually....

Then I realized that in a few years Fi will be going to school, I cannot possibly imagine how worried I will be... I might just carry a baseball bat with me at all times in case there are any bullies...

Reality bites, reality sucks... I hate that most descriptions say that HCH is a mild form of dwarfism... Over the last week I have connected with families where kids are at the 50th percentile on the achon chart, where the child didn't grow between 9-23 months at all and is the size of a 3 year old at the age of six. Where a 4 year old is in 12-18 leggings... So WTF is mild, screw the euphemisms... I am yet to meet someone who is mildly impacted...
For the next year or so, I am worried about Fi's mental capacity, when she doesn't turn her head towards me when I speak to her, I am overwhelmed with worry: Is it because she can't hear me, is it because her head is larger and she can't control it, is it because she is tired, is it because she has a cognitive problem...
Then I will worry about her speech, then about her health, her starting school, then about the surgeries, then about her having children... All this freaking worry, don't think I will live very long...

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